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Re: How common is it, really? 10derHeart

Posted by All Done on August 19, 2005, at 2:57:17

In reply to Re: How common is it, really? All Done, posted by 10derHeart on August 18, 2005, at 0:06:44

> I agree with Dinah.
> Also, I think maybe there are the people who do see T's long-term, do get intensely attached, but can never tell. Or never quite tell. (I mean...tell their T's, not *tell* that they are that attached! lol)
> That was me with my ex-T. Eight months, and I knew I felt all the feelings at about the 3rd month (well, I'd been doing group w/him for 6 months prior, so that contributed, too). But I never revealed this stuff until a month before he moved away. I couldn't. Too scared, upset, bewildered..hadn't quite found Babble yet, ...etc. Took at least all that time to work up the courage to tell him portions of it.
> So I think there's that group, too. And it could be a large segment, with all the similar fears about being abandoned because of revealing these attachments I've read here.
> Maybe your T. has other clients who feel as you do, but just never had many (or any?) get to the point of speaking so openly about it as you do?
> At 16+ years as a pdoc, my ex-T. said a "small handful" of people ever were willing to talk about those feelings about him as their T., with him. Who knows how many that is....he has big hands! ;-) He said I was the first to "plumb the depths" of the whole thing, when I confessed to erotic feelings, parental stuff, driving by his house, thinking I'd die when he moved, and who knows what else, in two letters I gave him. Too bad 90% of the dialog was after temination, by email.
> Hmm...I should ask current T. your question. He's very open to talking about the subject. I still get a little nervous, but it's getting better.
> Great post :-)

I didn't even think about the group that hesitate to talk about their feelings toward their therapists, but you're right and I bet it's a very large group. It's so hard to share some of these things when you have no idea how your T will react. I guess I spent enough time on the smaller things (and reading Babble) to be comfortable with my assumption that my T would accept whatever I had to say. Still scary, though.

Sometimes I do wonder if I tell my therapist a lot compared to what others share with their therapists.

Sorry your T had to move away, but good for you for sharing everything you could in the short amount of time you had.




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