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Re: in love with therpist

Posted by isla on June 15, 2005, at 16:57:19

In reply to Re: in love with therpist isla, posted by Jazzed on June 14, 2005, at 21:59:47

Hi everyone,

Thank you for all your good advice and questions. It's nice to know that I am not the only one with this problem. I will try and answer all the questions and comments I have recieved.

I have never had to pay for any appts. with this T because he is a psychiatrist and in my province if you get a referral from your family doc. then it is free of charge. Appts. with him at the very beginning 3 years ago were approx. 45 min. Now they are usually between 1.5 and 2 hours. I have mixed feelings about this. On a good day when we get along I love it that I can stay there longer and the time flys. When it is difficult I get drained and want to leave. This could be my own problem re: not wanting to talk about difficult things, however, I have a 45 min. drive home so sometimes I just want to leave and I feel like I can't until he opens up his daytimer to schedule the next appt. He has never physically forced me to stay but emotionally he does. Power differential?

The arguement that I discussed with Jazzed re: couples of different ages started out because my mother remarried a much younger man when I was 7. I can understand the relevancy to me in that I may be looking for a "father" but all the boyfriends I have had have been either within a couple of years and I had 2 which were younger. It just seemed pointless to compare what music and tv shows I listen to to get his point across. He is older than me by approx. 10 years. I am 35 and he is in his 40's.

As for "finishing my story" with him I feel that he wants me to keep going to him only, and that no one else will be able to help me. My reasoning is because he refuses to refer me and his points are weak ie: "What if I don't like your new therapist." ?????? We have talked about it a few times but he just keeps repeating himself and then he will say try a referral from your family doc. He also has refused to send a summary of my 3 years of work with him to a new doc. Weird? I have tried 3 other T's through my family doc.: for each time I tried I waited 6 months. The first T said (female) said that she only accepts certain clients and after 3 sessions if you don't conform to her idea of therapy, you are terminated. I wasn't ready for the possible rejection so I only saw her once. The second T I saw only saw his clients once every month and I go once a week which I need. The third T I didn't even get to see because he wasn't accepting new clients anymore. Note: that all of these T's are psychiatrists and in Canada they are covered by the provincial gov't. I could opt for a psychologist but the price is just too high.

I don't have alot of weight to lose (maybe 25 lbs.) so I think his comment was uncalled for.

He does not act seductive outright but I am confused. What would constitute a seductive manner? I'm afraid I'm pretty naive in this area which we have talked about. Yes we have talked about many issues besides just the therapy but each situation usually involves him giving me an analogy and going over the same things. ie He will say "You are so innocent, and so naive, you are a target. You need to please, you can't say no etc. etc. All of these things are true based on the kinds of relationships I've had. So he is right. As for seductiveness, let me see......he has never touched me, we talk about sex alot (I've heard this is normal), I've had lots of abusive partners. I guess it's the fact that I stay long, I can call whenever I want. So maybe he isn't really seductive at all. He's definatley an arrogant T though! He is always right, has even said so!

He will make appts. with me the same day I call in. If not the same day, usually within 2-3 days. It's actually pretty good because he is very flexible with scheduling.

One of the other questions was "Is he married". I have no idea. He doesn't wear a wedding ring but I have asked him and he refuses to tell me. It's his choice really but I don't understand it. I just wish I didn't feel about him the way I do.

I'm glad all of you have responded because I really don't know what the norm is in therapy. It's pretty subjective across all different types of therapy so each type seems to have it's own protocols with respect to boundaries. When I hear from all of you, it gives me the opportunity to understand if what he is doing seems to be the norm based on your experiences. He is the expert so I am relying on his judgement. I sound helpless don't I? I'm really not helpless, just confused. Maybe I read into things in the incorrect way. Thanks for your help and please feel free to talk to me about your issues.

Note: I have weakened my resolve and called him last night to book an appt. My appt. is tonight at 7 pm so I will let you know how it goes.




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