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It is true - but you have to work through it Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on June 12, 2005, at 12:28:28

In reply to Transference Sucks, posted by Susan47 on June 11, 2005, at 15:00:32

From my experience transference is quite true. I DID project my father's relationship onto my ex T and in fact to all men I met so far.. to a very huge extent.

And more towards my ex T, because I didn't know him all that well, and that didn't give me a chance to see him for what he was.

Not to say that there are no genuine feelings and affection, but that a huge major portion of it was projection from my side in different ways.

Now that I have recovered from it, I am seeing things in a totally different light. I understand why my ex T was indifferent, (it used to bother me so very much, now it doesn't bother me all that much). Why I felt so abandoned, why I kept looking for some approval from him, why I felt terrorized at leaving him. All that was mostly a projection from the confusing role my father had in my life. I think Freud was very right.

Now I like my ex T as a person, but I don't have that crazy dependance and attachmnt and neediness and taking everything he said and did very personally etc. I like him more like an equal - like how I view my colleagues, and other friends. But I magnified his influence 1000 times more when I was in therapy with him.

But you have to stick to the process and get help from some qualified therapist and work thourhg your transference - actually you have to work more about your father from what I learnt.




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