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Re: Chapter 4 and approximate relationships

Posted by annierose on June 10, 2005, at 21:28:17

In reply to Re: Chapter 4 messadivoce, posted by Tamar on June 9, 2005, at 17:40:39

Having just finshed this chapter, I just wanted to quickly comment, that she uses the expression "approximate relationship" frequently throughout this chapter. One that I could easily find was near the end:

"Boundaries remind client and therapist that their relationship is approximate, that in its therapeutic capacity there are things that it can never be, but that what it is can be relied upon."

Regarding this chapter, I feel my T has solid boundaries. I know very little about her. She has rarely shared any personal stories and never speaks of other clients (even in a general sense). But I feel I know her. I don't know her in a specific sense of what is her favorite color, what music she listens to, what books she reads ... I know her heart. I'm comfortable within the boundaries. I rarely will ask a personal question (I can think of only one question I asked, how many children she had & their sexes, and she did answer).

Yes, part of me would like to know more. But another part asks "why?". I don't push the boundaries. I accept them as part of the process.

I saw another T quite briefly, maybe 2 or 3 sessions, decades ago, and she had NO boundaries. It actually drove me nuts. My 45 minute session, lasted 2 hours. I needed to go back to work and I didn't know how to say "time's up". And she talked on and on about herself and other clients. I remember thinking, I think I prefer a blank slate to this mumble jumble.

 

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