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Re: Scared, ready to expose my skeltons to T happyflower

Posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 16:49:55

In reply to Re: Scared, ready to expose my skeltons to T fallsfall, posted by happyflower on June 10, 2005, at 12:46:20

I was disabled with depression, but what he was doing wasn't helping me - it was making things harder. For instance, my whole goal for the day was to do the dishes after dinner. We finished dinner and I went to the bathroom. When I came out he had done the dishes (he was doing me a "favor"). But he had taken away my chance to meet my goal.

We went to a marriage counselor. He asked us to remember what we enjoyed doing together the most in the beginning of our marriage (19 years before). We had enjoyed constructing things for the turtles we kept (i.e. rafts, filtration etc.). He asked us to do a project like that. So we decided to build a wheel for my hedgehog. We started working on it, but it was more like each of us was doing something separately. Then there was a part that he said that he would do, but he never got around to doing it. If this exercise in therapy wasn't important enough for him to put any effort into it, then I wasn't important to him.

The bottom line was that I had to make changes, but he was not willing to allow me to make the changes I needed to survive, because he was not willing to make any changes himself. He thought that if he just waited long enough that I would go back to the way things were. But that wasn't an option for me.

 

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