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Bare bones happyflower

Posted by Shortelise on June 10, 2005, at 14:47:50

In reply to Scared, ready to expose my skeltons to T, posted by happyflower on June 10, 2005, at 11:18:37

Yes, yes, I know this so well.

I can only tell you how things went for me.

In my 30's, I looked at my life and thought, ah, well is this it? I'll be with this same man forever, this will go on as it has, just more of the same? I had a few delicious, passionate affairs, jeopardized my marriage, then looked around and realized that I do love my husband, and he loves me. No more affairs.

I began to encourage my husband to do the things he loves, even when it meant he'd be away fishing for a weekend, or out every Tuesday night and the most part of Saturday afternoon. I stopped trying to live his life, and let him live it himself, without nagging, without feeling left out. I then found myself doing the things I love, seeing movies he'd never want to see, going places he wouldn't want to go.
Then we had more to talk about, and together we discovered a new dimension to our marriage. It's a partnership more than anything else. We are not threatened by each other's interests, not threatened by the time we spend apart because we love each other and each wants the other to pursue what makes life good one for each of us.

It was before I went in to therapy that we figured this out, and I can't say how we did it. I guess we both recognized in each other that we would never be happy living in one another's pockets. Understand that I feel I could not live without him, would not want to. My attachemnt to my husband is so deep it defies words. But it didn't start out that way. It was because of our doubts, because of how we changed, that our marriage had to change.

Happyflower, none of that may be of any help to you, but if nothing else, you can see that you are certainly not alone in wondering if you made the right choice, if you want to live the life you're living. I was lucky in that when I began to ask myself those questions, I found it possible for my marriage to evolve as I was evolving, for it to change with me, for me to change with it, for us to change together. Our lives are richer for it. It wasn't always easy, but nothing is easy, ever, except maybe falling down!





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