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Re: Scared, ready to expose my skeltons to T happyflower

Posted by daisym on June 10, 2005, at 12:09:53

In reply to Scared, ready to expose my skeltons to T, posted by happyflower on June 10, 2005, at 11:18:37

I find myself wanting to ask how old you don't have to tell me but you sound like me in a lot of ways. (I'm in my early 40s) I've been married 22 years and I struggle with my marriage not being what I long for but feeling obligated to stay in it for a number of reasons.

My therapist and several close friends have tried to help me see that I can change within the marriage, find more fulfillment without having to make a drastic change. I think my husband won't stand for that, they tell me he will fight against change but gradually he will come around to this new way of relating and thinking. Or, he won't but I will be able to do what is best for me, not him and we will all survive it.

I felt horrible talking about such private things and for complaining to my therapist about my husband. He tells me two things: 1) this is MY therapy and completely private so if not here, then where? and 2) He can't help me if I don't tell him how I'm feeling. He doesn't judge, he offers different perspectives. I think your therapist is saying the same thing. You aren't asking permission to get a divorce, nor are you wanting to do marriage counseling without your husband being present. But you are trying to find out who you really are, in all the roles you are being asked to play and what really makes you happy.

I know that I often feel like I am supposed to make choices that are best for my family, not myself. I'm trying to not see them as mutually exclusive anymore. This is a hard thing to do. I feel so guilty. But my therapist gently tells me "better guilty than suicidal."

I think you should take in your post. It shows your fear, pain and vulnerability and it shows your obvious compassion for those around you. It would be a good place to begin the conversation.

You asked if anyone gets what you are saying. I think I do. I hope I've helped you not feel so alone. Try not to make yourself crazy before next Wed. I think this is one of the things that compells people to seek out therapy. We all need to know who we "really" are and what we really want. It is OK to want to figure this out. It is probably essential.

Hugs from me (the cyber-kind are safe!)




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