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Re: My thereapist asked me to read this today as well » pinkeye

Posted by Tamar on June 9, 2005, at 19:13:01

In reply to Re: My thereapist asked me to read this today as well » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 9, 2005, at 18:12:51

> Even mild form of CSA like I had (my therapist actually thinks it is pretty profound, but I disagree), is so awfully hard. I think the sexuality related problems are the hardest to overcome.

Absolutely. I find the same thing. And you know where I'm coming from!

> The feelings of hatred towards your own body is the extremely hardest to get rid of in my own experience.

It takes time and energy. And I'm not pretending I'm there yet. But it's been worth the time and energy just to hate my body a little less.

> And the self guilt and blame. I feel everyone would blame me - my father, my hsuband, even my ex T, if I tell them about it. I feel only women would understand the significance of what happens. Men would probably just ignore. I think that is why even my ex T didn't reply. He would have just blamed me.

Yeah, that's one of the hardest things to cope with. Part of it is self-blame that we project onto other people. But part of it is the certain knowledge that many people simply don't understand and have preconceptions about these things that almost always involve blaming the woman.

In 19th century literature, women who experienced non-marital sex usually died or went mad. It didn't matter if they were innocent; sexual experience makes a woman guilty in certain cultural contexts. Even if what they did was not overtly sexual. And that idea of blaming women for being desirable is still part of today's cultures. No wonder there's a fear of disclosing experiences like csa.

I imagine your therapist might worry that you're minimizing your experience. I wonder if you might think about it in terms of the effect it has had on your life rather than just your father's intentions.




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