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group FREAKED me out!

Posted by B2chica on June 9, 2005, at 9:39:57

ok, so i've been struggling with mixing pills and alcohol.
so my T finally talked me into trying their substance abuse groups (women's dual dx). i figured i'd give it a try (you all know how much i HATE groups!!!!)
anyway has 'intake' eval and basically they told me when it was, how often and that i'd be required to go to at least two AA or NA mtgs'. i told here there and then that i'm still in school and in a few weeks i wouldn't be able to do the 3 nights/week they required.
she said to talk to the person heading tthe group about that.

i decided to start that day (to get it overwith)-that was last night. first 1/2 hour was ok, people were nice. the leader kinda pushed me to talk more than i wanted. but i was fine i didn't give any 'deep' info. i even stopped a few probes, i HATE when they ask you where you work...wwhat if i don't want all these people being able to find me?!
anyway, during one of the breaks i told the group leader about my school and if i'd still have to pay for the groups i miss...i was a little confused to her response..she kept saying i could 'make them up at the end'.
Finally i got it. i was Trapped! no way out, no matter what i had to attend about 20 mtgs!
that lost me. i clammed up rest of two hours.
watched the WORST so called educational video. she talked about ego and didn't even explain it well. one of the persons were still thinking the ego was the 'all about me' portion -which in not true- that's the Id, and the ego is the 'go between from inner to outer worlds. (gg correct me if i'm wrong on that).
anyway, they did that STUPID 'relaxation' cr@p at the end with the music and someone reading, then wanting me to close my eyes and cr@p!!!
you know from my hospital stories that i freak out with that. a room full of strangers! close my eyes? relax?????????
so i stood up and stayed that way the entire time. i wanted to run screaming through the wall...but yet i didn't, see i do have control.

anyway, as SOON as i got out i left a quite upset message on my T's phone. but it kept getting worse, i haven't wanted to SI, mix Rx and Al, or go for a gun as much as i did last night! since it kept building (keep in mind that was a three hour sessions) when i got home about 9, i called their crisis number, i needed them to know how worked up i was! i got that great guy again...boy he's neat. he tried to talk me down, i was basically screaming talking 100miles/min to him. but he was very nice, really cool.
he finally said he was going to call my T cuz he said the group was voluntary and was suprised when i said i was 'trapped' in this group.

-anyway, my T called me about 1/2 hour later, i had been pacing the whole time and was a little more calm, but i went off again. i really wanted him to know just how much it freaked me out. he was great and tried to calm me down. he said that for now i didn't have to go tomorrow and we'll talk about a plan when we meet on friday.

i was SOOOOOOOOO releaved, but it still took me 2 and 1/2 hours before i could sleep i was so wound up.
i'm better today but on edge.
sorry so long.




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poster:B2chica thread:510006