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Re: got the book...*may trigger* Daisym

Posted by B2chica on June 7, 2005, at 10:53:17

In reply to Re: got the book... B2chica, posted by Daisym on June 6, 2005, at 13:22:55

>... Trauma is trauma. (practice so you don't cry when you say it.)

this is where my T and i go round and round. i REFUSE to use the word trauma (or CSA) for myself and what happened. i feel like Trauma's what you see on TV. a kid watching their parents killed, a brutal rape (with weapon) etc. THAT's trauma, not what happened to me.
but sunday i went to my safe place, the library and found some old books that gave 'definitions' of csa, and in both a couple books it fit. it was me- not father daughter but siblings and older boy. also they listed things that fall underthat. i fit. i cried. i went to session and blabbled all this out. last night when i got home i was SOOOO exhausted. i ended up having 5 or 6 beers and a couple xanax, four ambien and two propanerol. this morning i jumped a couple curbs coming to work. normally i'd be lmao, but i knew it was cuz i could barely stay awake. so groggy.

at session my T even tried a little role playing, he asked me if i were a therapist and someone came in with the same symptoms would i tell them it's their fault? well of course not, and i went through all the jargon, he said i was right on the money with those answers. but of course at the end i said nope, still doesn't apply to me. i don't know why but i can't except that it's truama, maybe it's cuz i still don't fully accept it?? who knows. but i do have strong compassion for others.

ya, i guess i'll do the library and car thing cuz i'm kinda ansy to read it. he's out of the house alot, maybe i can just keep it in my mega purse til he leaves then start reading it??

anyway, thank youfor all your suggestions.
much appreciated.

> Don't dismiss the body sensations. Tell your therapist. Could be a flashback trying to break through. Skip ahead to the section on crisis phase, read it, book mark it. This book can trigger you in horrible ways. I take it out and read it in small doses. I think this is why my therapist wanted to work on it together -- doing the assignments and talking about them. I felt pretty undone by it all.
> Figure out your own rules. Mine are: Don't read this before bed. Don't read the stories in the back on a non-therapy day. Flip open a section and pay attention to how my body feels. If my chest hurts, I'm done for awhile.
> I hope this helps you. Go slow. Take care of yourself. I'm open to questions if you think I can help too.




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