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Re: Trying to make peace and let go Tamar

Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 19:10:09

In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 18:50:32

> Hmm... It has changed a lot over time. Many years ago, I was happy enough with the way things were, but I certainly didn't have the sort of sex life I really wanted. I just thought it wasn't possible for me to have a better experience. I used to think I should just accept that I almost never had an orgasm with a partner, and I thought I should try to enjoy sex regardless. But I experienced a lot of dissociation during sex, and I didn't actually realise that was happening (I'm a bit slow!).
> So I've been working on trying to stay present during sex. However, staying present means dealing with some triggers. That can be frustrating. On the other hand, when I manage to handle the triggers and stay present it is actually extremely fulfilling.

I assume the triggers are because of the rape you went through?? I am not an expert in this subject, but my common sense tells me that you could potentially revert the damage done to you (if because of the rape), by associating more pleasant things with sex. (before, after, during etc - listening to songs or mild instrumental or pleasing music during sex even might be a good idea, I don't know.). Or you can see more romantic movies where there is plenty of nice and pleasant sexual scenes (stay away from the hardcore adult movies) and that might eventually sink in and take away the triggers. The way to counteract negative energy in anything is to supply adequate positive things.

Also fantasizing more might help you prepare mentally for orgasm. You can even try to fantasize explicit sexual scenes from beginning to end (with the ending you want :-)).

I am just throwing out ideas. I am sure you have thought of them already.

> > I don't like being serious.. I can actually be very happy and cheerful and outgoing if I put in a little bit of effort. And I did very well when I had my ex T continuosly supporting. Now I find it difficult to motivate me.
> Oh yes. I didn't really think of serious as the opposite of happy and cheerful. I suppose I just meant you don't often seem to goof around. But of course you're going through a very hard time right now and maybe you don't feel like goofing around very often!

Thanks. I don't fully understand what goofing is (english is my second language and I am not that proficient in it). But I take it as having fun - and yes, I am not in a mood to have too much fun these days. But I can have fun when I am in a better mood. But I don't flirt that much or talk about sex openly or joke about it - maybe because of the way I was brought up or my culture. That might seem like that to you also.





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