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Re: Daisy - Question for you Daisym

Posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 19:35:32

In reply to Re: Daisy - Question for you pinkeye, posted by Daisym on June 5, 2005, at 18:35:32

Thanks a lot Daisy for that detailed post.

That helped me. I really like your therapist and I am glad you have him. He is almost text book perfect isn't he?? I think he has lots of emotional insight and I think that is his key strength. I am sure he will take care of you very well, and I think your termination with him will be very very smooth and relatively painless (as much painless as it could get).

You are right - I think there was a huge need that got opened or unsuppressed and I didn't find other ways of fulfilling it when I had to leave him.

My therapy wasn't like yours. It was more of a life coaching and "deal with real world now - control your actions" kind of thing rather than this emotional cleaning up and growing up. And my therapist was very good in logical real world coping up techniques which helped me maintain myself out of depression and functioning and able to handle things. But I think he didn't have as much insight into emotions and lacked littel bit of emotional agility himself to guide me through emotional healing and growing up. So I think it ended up opening up all my emotions, but didn't help me heal fully. And it is really not his mistake.. in India they are not equipped to deal with long term emotional healing therapy approaches.

I think you are right about finding out now what I needed from him and figuring out how to go about getting it from other available sources. I think he ended up being a complex mixture of things for me - friend, father, husband figure, guide role all combined into one. And I had very complex transference - I thought of him as my father, I thoguht of him as my husband, I thought of him as my college crush, work crush etc, I thought of him as other failed relationships, my best friend, even myself (kind of mirror) everything combined into one. And before I met him, I usually kept all my stuff to myself - I wouldn't share it with anyone, but I shared everything with him. So that was a big thing for me. I had told my husband little bit about me before, but not in too much detail. And I think that is what I miss now - that kind of all accpeting friendship.

I am trying to replace that - not easy task. But my husband is trying to be real better, so I am trying to open up more to him, and I have babble and my new therapist. Plus I found out about my mild abuse from my father and being the surrogate wife. So I think I have done all I could. And I understood my ruminative patterns.

And I think I thought he understood me for the first time in my life. I never felt fully understood by anyone before. But now I feel that maybe I was wrong. I think he understood me only very little. He understood my logical thinking, but he didn't understand my emotions. And I think it is really hard for anyone to see through my logical togetherness and cut through it and see the emotional problems hidden underneath. And it would have taken longer time and face to face interaction to see that I am suffering so much. Even my current T had a hard time figuring me out for the first 4 months and she had much more face to face interaction and experience with me than my ex T ever had.


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