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Re: How? Trigger*** Daisym

Posted by antigua on May 31, 2005, at 15:50:08

In reply to How? antigua, posted by Daisym on May 31, 2005, at 15:07:43

Is it important to you to keep the perspective? Do you have a code you can use w/him so that you don't have to say it out loud on the phone? Part of dealing w/the csa for me was finding out that I wasn't so special. I had always used that to hold myself together, that my father loved me best, despite (and because of) what he did. I wanted to know if I was special to my T, too, I didn't want to be just "anybody," so I pushed her away and kept telling her she was only helping me because it was her "job," she didn't really care about me. To her credit, she hung in there.

Letting go of the specialness was very hard for me, but I'm glad it's gone now. Because the fact of the matter was that I was just the body my father took advantage of and ruined for years on end. It was all about him, and his selfish needs and wants, and it had nothing to do w/anything I did or did not do.

Please talk to your T. Tell him about the specialness. He knows exactly what you're talking about and he can help you to see it clearly and to feel so much better. Just lean on him, right now.

I'm sorry if I'm harsh. I don't want you to go through this alone. You don't have to--you don't get an extra badge in heaven for having suffered!
antigua


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poster:antigua thread:504637
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