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Re: termination continued - sad Shortelise

Posted by littleone on May 26, 2005, at 21:51:19

In reply to termination continued - sad, posted by Shortelise on May 26, 2005, at 20:27:54

Ouch. Your pain really comes through in your post. I know you don't want me to bag your T, so as a compromise, I've just given him a big mental kick in the pants and I won't mention him again. Hope that's okay.

A while ago I had raised with my T that I want him to hold my hand and walk through each exercise with me. That I didn't want to be left to struggle through them by myself.

Now I'll probably get this wrong, but his response was that if that's what I needed to do the exercises, then that's fine, that's what it will take. But that therapy will work faster if I can do them on my own. Because if I need my hand held, it will take time to do the exercises and then more time to learn to do them by myself.

It sounds like your T never gave you that choice. That either through your own needs or his own style you've had to take the two prong approach. Which is not the "wrong" way I might add. But it will involve loss. I wish you didn't need to endure the loss ShortE.

> It felt horrible. I felt unheard, misunderstood, hurt, criticized. It was awful. I know what he was getting at, (that it won't work well for me in relationships if I use this kind of "you said blah, what did you mean" tactic. Well, I don't, not now, not since I have learned all that I've learned in therapy) and finally I said to him, after he explained, re-exeplained, re-re-explained, etc., that I though he was one person I could come to with such a question and he would help me get to the answer. He said that he can't keep doing that for me, that I need to do that for myself, that he felt I was asking him to do all the work. He said that keeps me "addicted" to the process, and that he has to encourage me to do these things for myself.

Double Ouch!

This one confuses me, but then I just don't understand people at all. I would have thought that you *could* still ask him anything you wanted. It is through him that you learn about people. How they feel/think/react/whatever. And that that learning will go on your whole life. Therefore, even if you saw your T in a year's time, you should still be able to ask him to clarify things like that.

The other thing is that I thought the idea of relationships with close people (I'm talking about friends/spouse, not your T) was that you talk more deeply with each other and I imagined part of that would include asking for clarification on what they meant by something. So I don't even really understand why you shouldn't have been allowed to do that.

But like I said, I just don't get people and have failed Relationship 101 my whole life.

> But I tell you how it feels, and this will sound familiar: it feels like a broken promise.
>
> I want to hit him, never go back, throw things at him, bite him --- hurt him.
>
> Thanks very much for reading this, and for your perspectives. Right now, I just want to die. I won't act on it, but I feel that awful.

Broken promise - yeah I can see that.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. Will it sound too trite if I say to do something comforting for yourself? What's your comfort food? My brain always has a short circuit when I see that daisy likes to eat cow. I always imagine a huge black and white cow lying on a plate with it's legs in the air and it's tongue hanging out.

Do you have a pet you can play/snuggle with?

 

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