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Other aspects of Chapter 2

Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2005, at 19:09:47

In reply to Re: Approximate relationships Tamar, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2005, at 9:40:33

One day, when we're not doing other stuff as we are at the moment, I'd love to bring this book to therapy and go through parts of Chapter 2. It may be my favorite chapter. I have so much to comment about on it that it might take several posts, linked to her sections.

The disproportionate importance of small things -

Ohhhh, that's a big one for me. I am soooo aware of everything in therapy. It's like I turn into one of those great big satellite receivers. And because I have limited information about my therapist, I tend to build on those small bits of information. I remember everything he ever says about himself personally, so that I can put together a picture of this person that knows me more intimately than anyone, yet I don't know all that well. I draw conclusions about him from his office. His old office was full of... unusual, shall we say, decor. It was a gorgeous room, but the actual choice of small items was not the norm. So once when he mentioned that his boss had asked him to stay and that caused him to be late for our session, I couldn't focus until I asked him about it. I told him his room didn't look like the office of someone who would refer to anyone else as his "boss". He was really surprised, because he said I was right. He had purposely chosen to use the word so as to excuse his latenes. He didn't ordinarily. His new office is all angular art deco. :(

Or his weight. He once told me that he ate when under stress. And I've noticed that myself. When he's relaxed and happy, he loses weight. So when he gains weight I worry. I want to tell him to please be careful, and start exercising, because I don't want anything to happen to him. But of course I can't. Because he's not my friend, he's my therapist.

Attachment and dependency -

Again, a huuuge topic for me. Probably the centerpiece of most of the work we've done, it's so huge. He was an excellent object for all of that to be played out on. When Lott quoted the young woman who said "I fear coming to her office and finding a note that she will no longer be seeing clients." I had to smile in recognition. I've probably had every conceivable scenario involving my therapist leaving me run through my head at least once. And driven him crazy by bringing them to therapy.

Therapist's Presence Brings Comfort -

I've always been very vocal about my therapist's presence bringing me comfort. Well, as long as he feels the same. If he doesn't he does more harm than good. His office no longer needs to be the same. I now have met him at a satellite office of his, and caused him dismay by not minding a bit. As long as he's there, and feels the same. I was only attached to the old office. It's like he's a blankie, or my usual imagery, a milky mother to a suckling baby. So naturally, I was most interested in the section on types of transference

Child - Parent

Alike and Different -

This was never really a huge issue for me. I knew he was a lot different. And he is too smart to talk about any area our fundamental values might differ. Do any of you measure yourselves against your therapist for similarities and differences?

Sory to go on for so long, and to make it so personal. But Chapter 2 resonates so much with me. And it is a very personal chapter for me. It normalizes so much of what I experience. I think that's the great power of this book.




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