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Re: Approximate relationships Ľ Tamar

Posted by alexandra_k on May 26, 2005, at 18:51:47

In reply to Re: Approximate relationships Ľ alexandra_k, posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 9:14:03

> HmmÖ I think of the way I love my students, and I think I love them freely, without expecting them to reciprocate. Itís nice if they like me, and if they work hard, but Iíve had students who didnít work hard and I still loved them. Even when one or two students havenít liked me much Iíve usually liked them. Some of them are a pain in the *ss, but I still love them. And my students are adults; many of them are older than me.

Yes. But you are like the therapist there.
Wouldn't that be an 'approximation' of love in your relationships just there?

> Well, certainly I have more freedom to be myself with my students than a T has with clients. But Iím also somewhat limited; I wouldnít expect to be telling them much about my private life. However, we can talk about things that arenít too personal, and it doesnít seem to stop me feeling love for them. And love always has limits, in all relationships, doesnít it?

Yeah. But there is a similar power imbalance in teaching relationships as there is in therapy relationsips. Thats why there is a general policy of not getting involved (ie sexually) in both cases...

> Yes, that is a hard question. Maybe it works through a combination of the relationship and the subject matter.

I'm not sure whether it does work.
Thats what I have been wondering...
People get to there...
People get to that point...
How many people come out the other side?
Wake up one day and say
'Why on earth am I paying you to listen to me and care about me when I can find that for free in the real world? Why on earth would I find more satisfaction out of an artificially contrived one sided relationship than with what I can find in a reciprocal RL relationship?'
How many people get there?
And how many people just get stuck...

> > Can you buy love?
> > Can you buy the 'love' of a therapist?
> > I would say 'no' to the first and 'yes' to the second. IMO therapy would therefore be an approximation of love.

> Iím not sure Iíd say yes even to the second. Iím not convinced that feeling loved by the therapist has much to do with paying a fee.

Paying a fee seems to be a necessary though not sufficient condition. Nobody will work with you if you can't pay them - but even if you do pay them there is no guarantee...

>Iím curious about the possibility of thinking of it in terms of a petit diffťrend (are you interested in Lyotard?)...

I haven't heard that expression or that person...
Do you want to say some more???




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