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Re: Voices JenStar

Posted by cricket on May 26, 2005, at 8:45:01

In reply to Re: Voices cricket, posted by JenStar on May 25, 2005, at 18:43:58

JenStar,

Actually, thanks for asking about the voices. I've never really talked about them before and I think it might help me to try and explain them a little.

They definitely have full conversations both with me and with each other. It's not like talking to myself but I also know that they are strictly inside my head and that no one else can hear them. I think my T once said that was one of the things (that I know only I can hear them) that distinguish my voices from ones that schizophrenics hear.

At times it may be similar to saying to yourself "You idiot, it's a red light," but in my case I actually see one of the voices with hands on hips yelling at me "You idiot" and then another one might chime in "She's not an idiot, just stressed," and then one of the kids might start singing or something and someone might start crying.

So maybe that's not all that different from you talking to you just upped several notches in intensity.

However, I think that what may be quite different is the way I allow these voices to run different aspects of my life. There's one, very professional, rational who manages my entire work career, always has. Everyone at work thinks that she's me, but I know that she's not me. She dresses different, she talks different. She likes things that I hate. She thinks that she should be in complete charge of everything. I think that she's a narcissist.

I don't think that other people really know about the voices. Although I did have one boss who said you know you have multiple personalities. Each one has different vocabularies, different tones of voice, different attitudes. I just made a joke out of it and said "Yeah and you get us all for just one salary."

Sometimes when the narcissistic one I described above comes out at home, my husband will just say, "Don't forget, you're not at work" so he does know when someone different is in charge although we've never talked specifically about me being different people.

Most of the time, I can control which voice is in charge of which situation but sometimes one will slip through. Last night for instance, I was digging in the bottom kitchen cabinet for a pot when my son came in and there was just something about peering over the top of a very low cabinet door that brought my little 5 year old out (who doesn't come out often) but she called to my son "Come play with me" and then they got into a chase through the apartment with cups of water which then of course I had to clean up.

Yeah, I do like them, even the difficult ones, just like a parent would like a difficult child. I never want to lose any of them. I just want them to quiet down enough at therapy so I can think clearly and not look like either the idiot or the raving lunatic that I seem to look like at therapy.

Thanks JenStar. This was helpful for me to talk about.



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