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Re: Goodbye... fallsfall

Posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2005, at 8:31:54

In reply to Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg, posted by fallsfall on May 26, 2005, at 7:38:07

Thank you all, each one, for your warm, kind messages. I have actually been feeling very alone here for a long time- about two years- but I thought I would be able to overcome it. Now, I am realizing that I'm not able to. It's nothing to do with anything anyone has done here; it has to do with my own limitations. I guess some of you know that, in addition to have an alcoholic father who was physically and sexually abusive, my mother broke down and entered a mental hospital when I was born; I coped with that by taking trying to take care of her when she returned (when I was three). In the process, I never learned how to depend on anyone, or ask for things for myself, no matter how badly I might want or need them. I can see I'm just repeating that pattern here. I really don't know how to stop doing it, so I finally decided it would be better to at least stop repeating this behavior. For me, on-line communication has turned out to be kind of unreal and dangerous. I can't emphasize enough that this is only true for me. It's absolutely vital for me to see someone face-to-face- that way, I can get through my fears and make meaningful connections. I can do that with almost anyone, if I can see them! Maybe a few years from now, things like Babble will seem easy and natural to me- i hope so!. Absolutely no blame towards anyone, and heartfelt thanks for your many very kind and warm thoughts. They did get through, and I do deeply appreciate them.




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poster:Pfinstegg thread:502953