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Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T? pinkeye

Posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 4:45:01

In reply to Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 13:31:43

Following on from your original post, if I were your ex-T I would reply to your email and say something like this:

Dear pinkeye,

Thank you for your email. I am glad to hear that you have been learning how to think psychologically and that you are finding insights into your problems.

I understand why you found our termination abrupt and I regret that you suffered because of it. Unfortunately I had reasons for the abruptness, and now that I no longer practice as a therapist it was no longer possible for me to support you. It is natural for you to feel abandoned, but it was not my intention to abandon you; it was simply a matter of the circumstances.

It is difficult for me to comment on the issues with your father, because I know him. However, I think you do need to explore your feelings and childhood experiences with a new therapist in order to be able to move forward. And I am glad to hear that your relationship with your husband has improved, although I am concerned that you report occasional physical violence. I think you might need to consider carefully how serious this violence is, and what it will mean for you if you come back to India.

I am glad that you recognise your feelings about me as transference. When I was a therapist it was necessary for me to be very objective with you, and that is why I did not discuss my feelings. However, I enjoyed the work we did together.

I am not sure that it would be a good idea to re-establish contact. I am no longer a therapist and you are no longer my patient, and I do not want to jeopardize or confuse any work that you might do with a new therapist. But I understand that the manner of our termination was difficult for you and that is why I am writing you this final email. I hope you will understand that I will always remember you, even if I cannot be your therapist any more.

I wish you well for the future.
With best wishes,
Your former therapist


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