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Re: Is there any other way to interpret this? Dinah

Posted by JenStar on May 25, 2005, at 20:46:20

In reply to Re: Is there any other way to interpret this? JenStar, posted by Dinah on May 25, 2005, at 19:48:47

Well, I think you're interesting, not pathetic! You seriously seem like a very interesting person who would make a cool friend IRL. I wonder how many potentially cool friends I've passed by b/c of the fronts and stiltedness you spoke of below? Because I do that too, actually -- put up different fronts at different times. I've probably let lots of good people go right on by b/c of that.

It just seems that you're unique and interesting. It would be worthwhile, I think, for you to try and be more of yourself around people. I bet they'd like it! :) (And if not, then they're dorks who don't deserve your company anyway, or at least that's how I put it to myself when my advances are rebuffed!)

I think I was almost completely authentic with nobody in high school, due to insecurities and cliques and worries about boys/etc. I always tried to be cooler and look cooler than I was sure I was (or wasn't!) I regret not stepping up to myself and saying, "d**n it, JenStar, you're a wonderful charming bright complex person, so stop pretending to be something you're not, and just be YOU!" And in college I think I was authentically ME to a very small handful of good friends, and now I'm authentic with a handful of good friends. It feels so good to be authentic. I CAN be silly and needy and smart and stupid and immature and mature in turns, without needing to be one of them all the time, b/c my friends love me and think the best of me even when I'm being petulant or goofy. I love that part of it. But it's so hard to START being that way with someone! And as I get older, it's harder to find new people with whom I can be completely authentic. I have a lot of the "surface" relationships where we act like you said, mannequin-ish. Sometimes I wonder why we even bother "lunching" if we're going to be so surface with each other. Sometimes I wonder if the other peoople are also dying to be more real but are just afraid, too?

Hmmmm...I'm really sorry if my post depressed you. I really didn't mean to do that!

And I hope I can say this authentically, without being afriad of being a "suck up" or too needy or too weird or something, but I do think you are really cool. :)

Have a good evening!
JenStar


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poster:JenStar thread:502676
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/502921.html