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Re: Is anyone scared/terrified of their Ts? » pinkeye

Posted by Tamar on May 25, 2005, at 17:12:29

In reply to Re: Is anyone scared/terrified of their Ts? » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 12:58:10

> A part of me relates to my ex T like a perfect adult, and at the same time, I am also feeling this intense need to relate to him like a kid, and am scared and hurt and rejected also - both as a child and as a woman. And there is lot of shame and guilt - for still liking him. Sometimes I feel I would never want to even touch him in my life, sometimes I feel I would give anything to be with him. I even feel like sleeping in his lap like a kid many times. There is extreme amounts of confusion from what I can say.

Oh yes, I’m familiar with that confusion! The kid/adult thing is so hard to sort out!

> It could be that as well. My father has been denying lots of it .. and my mother has been telling me all my memories are 100 % correct. And I think I have forgiven my father in my mind, but emotionally it is not completely healed. I still feel confused. IT could be that I am just projecting everything onto my ex T now.

Maybe you feel so disappointed by your father’s failure to admit the things he did wrong that your feelings towards your ex-T are even more intense? It’s great that you felt able to forgive your father, but maybe there are one or two things that are difficult to forgive until your father admits his errors. And if he doesn’t admit he was wrong, it might just take a bit more time.

> That is the hard part - I don't think I will get either. Not from my father, and not from my ex-T. My father is never going to acknowledge everything, and my ex-T won't reply either. So babble is my only helping source.

We’re always here for you! But also… what about your current T? Are you still talking about all this with her?

> Thanks Tamar. You are so extremely wise. Have you considered becoming a T? You seem to enjoy this also.

I don’t think I could be a T! I’d never manage to do that blank slate thing. And I’d get really upset if people experienced negative transference with me. But I certainly do enjoy talking to nice people who are as willing to support me as I am to try to support them. What about you? Would you like to be a T? You’re pretty wise too!




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