Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Is there any other way to interpret this?

Posted by Dinah on May 25, 2005, at 10:47:17

In therapy we were talking about how ever since my best friend from elementary school very gently told me in middle school that I wanted too much of her time, I've been so afraid of being a devouring needy person like my mother that I've never again been really authentic with anyone. And that I was afraid of being even slightly authentic with people I care about because I was afraid I would devour them.

He asked if I was afraid I would devour him. I said yes. He said that would never happen because he was taking care of his end of the relationship. We talked a bit about boundaries in therapy and how I really appreciated them because they left me feeling freer to be my authentic self without hurting him.

But I told him that wasn't what I was trying to say. I was trying to say that if he weren't protecting himself, I'd devour him. I told him that he knew the real me, and asked if that were true. He said that if it weren't for the boundaries (which he preferred to protection) leakage would probably occur and it was possible (or probably, can't recall) that the relationship would "disintigrate".

So I told him that was what I meant. That I couldn't be authentic with anyone I cared about. He said that I could learn to do it, and when I asked how he had a couple of recommendations. One was that I find appropriate and safe places to get my needs met. I told him that that brought us back to it being safe with him, because he protected himself from me, and that it wasn't safe to be authentic anywhere else. I needed to protect people from me.

I think that what he said was exactly what I was saying. And that's ok. I'm not hurt or anything, because I knew it already. But I'm just wondering if I'm interpreting correctly. Is there another way to see that?

If I ask him, he'll just say that of course he didn't mean that. But I think he already *said* it.




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