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Re: Age states and attachment thewrite1

Posted by daisym on May 24, 2005, at 23:46:26

In reply to Re: Age states and attachment Daisym, posted by thewrite1 on May 24, 2005, at 22:59:12

I'm sorry -- I know about the panic connected to the anger. I have the same fear you do, that anger will wreck our relationship and this is compounded by my fear that he'll get angry back. (Can you even imagine my gentle therapist angry? Incredible that I think this, but still...) So I keep that angry 9-year-old in tight control. She writes, I don't take in those pages. I guess the question is what is your youngerself angry about?

As far as when I knew about the age states, it was probably 9 or 10 months after I started therapy. I finally told about the abuse, tiny bits and we tiptoed into the rest of it. I think I've written about this, but during one session my therapist actually started talking to "her" and to my astonishment, she talked back. I felt so frickin young! And I blew up at him: "why did you do that! How could you...blah, blah" His response was, "she was right there, in the room with us, couldn't you feel her?" Well, yes, but he wasn't supposed to feel her! It took awhile before I would really just let her talk to him. But we had one really intense session where I was asking him questions from her but still carefully saying, "the younger parts of me wonder..." and so on. We were talking about how confusing sex was for a 10 year old and I was crying. I told him I needed my mother and she didn't save me. He nodded his head with tears in his eyes and I looked directly at him and said, "if you had known me then, would you have told someone?" I could actually feel the room was just him and me, the younger me.
He said, very firmly, "yes, I would have told."
Me: "but so many people will get into trouble."
Him: "I know."
Me: "and then what?"
Him: "we pick up the pieces."

And then we sat together for awhile. It was clear that the past had become present tense in those moments and full trust was established. It was a defining moment. We've talked about that session and one or two others in which time stops and he is interacting with a younger part of me directly. It is freaky, mind-blowing and yet so healing.

It takes courage but if you can let those pieces out a little at a time, the rewards will be worth the effort. As much as there are times when I want all this to stop and I want to bury those parts of me, I know this is true in my heart of hearts.

I'd like to know what you think about this.




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poster:daisym thread:502097