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Re: Love with therapist: Anger, *trigger* Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 23:37:19

In reply to Re: Love with therapist: Anger, *trigger* pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on May 24, 2005, at 23:21:32

Yeah, I think I probably don't know how to help.

The way I work with myself is I try to understand where I went wrong mostly. I know other people have messed up my life as well, but I look around and see other people's life which has been messed up even more by many people - like kids who don't have parents, kids who don't have food or even decent clothes to wear, kids who are completely abused and raped and threatened to death by many people. And I see they manage to emerge to be happy. So I try to learn to be happy myself. Because I feel I atleast I have food, clothes, parents, relatives, friends, access to internet etc. So with all these, I could do much better than what I am doing. That is why I try to take more and more responsibility myself.

I feel everyone's life is messed up by lot of people. But ultimately, if I don't learn, then I am the one who continues to suffer. So that is the only reason why I try to learn myself. If I try to blame others, then I don't have control over my suffering. If I take control and learn some other coping techniques, then I get control over my feelings.

IT is not about something being bad about you - it is just that you haven't learnt to distance yourself adequately from others. All of us need to learn to distance ourselves from all the suffering others impose upon us. That is the only way we can be happy. I think you are identifying yourself too much with your dad, and ex T and other men who messed up your life, and you are finding it impossible to heal because of it.

Maybe it is because I am little religious that I learnt this "detached attachment" attitude. I think that is key to well being.


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