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Time to quit? ((((((Might trigger))))))

Posted by Jazzed on May 24, 2005, at 23:08:49

I've tried 2 medications for my ADD, and both times they've started well, and then quickly turned bad. The first medication, I got more focus and energy, but after about 2 weeks it made me fall into the depths of despair. I felt like my chest was being sat on or crushed with an emotional weight. The psychiatrist then added an SSRI, which made me so sleepy I just wanted to stay in bed all day, which, of course with a 2 year old you can't do, and when I wasn't in bed I couldn't even get my eyes to focus. So that didn't work.

Now I'm on Strattera, and at first everything was fine. No big reactions other than minor urinary hesitation and sweating in 60 degree weather - petty annoyances, but I actually had a pretty good amount of motivation, no more focus or concentration, but I'll take motivation. Then when I upped my dose, as scheduled, I started getting depressed again, and even though I exercise about 3 hours a day, I'm gaining weight. Yes, I eat the wrong things, that's why I exercise like crazy. I run about an hour a day, walk the 2 year old 3 1/2 - 5 miles, and then walk 3 1/2 miles + "run" 289 steps every night with my 8 year old. Sucks!

Anyway, these thoughts just kept popping into my head, thoughts like "well, if I'm going to do this, I have to do it right", and then I'd think, "where the heck did that come from?" And then another time I'd think, I could drop the kids off and drive in front of a truck, but I know this is NOT me, it's the way the medicine is effecting me. I really have never had these kinds of thoughts just pop into my head out of the blue, it's disarming and weird.

So, do I just quit all of this altogether, or give it a try with something else. I told my husband tonight that it's not good that mommy is thinking of jumping in front of a bus every two weeks. So it might sound odd that I'd even consider another medicine, but you have no idea how scattered I am, and how overwhelmed I get just trying to do the normal day to day things. I go in 50 different directions, feel bombarded by every sight, noise, and smell, and can't focus on anything.

I hope this doesn't affect anyone in a bad way, that is certainly not my intention. I just want to talk to other people who might understand. My husband doesn't have a clue what to make of me because I've never been this way before. I get moody and b*tchy, but not suicidal. He understands it's just the medicine, and not me talking. At first I couldn't even admit to him how bad I really felt, so we are making some progress.





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poster:Jazzed thread:502549