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Emotional nurturing of ourselves

Posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 15:00:18

So, I realized something else which is possibly contributing to all my problems.

I think I have failed to do emotional nurturing of myself when I was a kid and continued that as an adult.

Quite possibly because I was terrified and scared and confused about my dad - I think I just tried to cope up logically, instead of ever taking the time to nurture myself emotionally - anyone understands what I mean??

Like talk to myself softly, or say it is ok, or it is not my fault, tell myself I didn't need to feel guilty or take blame for my dad's mistakes. Tell myself I had a right to happiness and friends and love and life instead of surrendering everything to my dad. I kept giving him all power over me - to hurt me, abuse me, to scare me and to terrorize me, and I was extremely afraid of him and just blindly forced myself to do all that he said - instead of trying to really see if it is good for me or now. And I think I have continued that patter somewhat. And I give too much importance to men in my life - and am scared of them.

For a long long time, I would never allow myself to feel anything - only logically I would try to understand my feelings, but really feel and empathize myself about my feelings - no, I never did. I never took responsibility about my own happiness. I kept expecting everyone else around me - most especially my dad.

Now slowly I am realizing that maybe I should take care of myself more emotionally insted of depending on my dad or my exT or my husband to dictate how I feel.

Maybe that is what I need to do.




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