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Re: Oh, I meant to add Pfinstegg

Posted by Dinah on May 24, 2005, at 10:47:24

In reply to Re: Oh, I meant to add, posted by Pfinstegg on May 24, 2005, at 2:27:00

Actually, it was just a guess. I only know the outcomes of my behaviors. I haven't yet divined their purpose.

I know that I have a greater need to take care of him now, as opposed to my old feelings that he was there solely to take care of me.

I know that before Daddy got really sick and died, I was genuinely ready to go to once a week support therapy. But that since Daddy's death something has happened either in me or in the therapeutic relationship, or more likely both, that makes me feel secure enough that I'm willing to really work for the first time in the ten years I've been seeing him. (Other than technical CBT stuff.) And that willingness to work has made the twice a week therapy that was just right for support seem choppy and disconnected for actual work so that I want to go up to three times a week. Except that I'm not sure it's not healthier to live with the anxiety and impatience and stay at twice a week.

I only know the result.

Our therapies are very different, in no small part because our issues are different. I had no CSA, and I dissociate in no lesser degree, but in a different way, I think. Same with Daisy.

One of my goals now in therapy is to look at him more often. And I can now usually do it without the eye rolling and blinking that probably looked as bizarre as they felt. But I'm experimenting to see if looking at him more often decreases my ability to fully access my emotional self. I think it does.




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