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Re: Right now, I have..... Dinah

Posted by Pfinstegg on May 24, 2005, at 2:16:52

In reply to Re: Right now, I have..... Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on May 24, 2005, at 1:36:25

Well, one of the big things about analysis- going so often, and lying down if you want to- is that you really do regress back to younger parts of yourself. Their feelings and needs get expressed much more.

Right now, those young feelings are very powerful (I do have to deal with all the very painful aspects of csa), so I count on him to take care of himself- there's no way I can even think about doing that. He's so good that he always conducts himself in such a way that I can just feel and think about young me- in his very caring presence.

I'm sure that bringing all this *good* stuff (Japanese medieval love poems!) in is trying to balance all the terrible stuff from my childhood. Even though, of course, none of it was my choice, or my fault, I do feel extremely guilty about all of it, and I have, consciously, but even more, unconsciously, hated myself for all of it.. That's what we are working hard on- remembering as much as possible, but also experiencing his kindness, love and acceptance of young me, and of all I went through, so that I don't go on wrecking myself over it.

I guess everyone's experience of therapy is unique- yours is fascinating to me, but it's nothing like mine. I guess our therapists never get to step into the same river twice.




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