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Re: Is anyone scared/terrified of their Ts? pinkeye

Posted by JenStar on May 23, 2005, at 19:03:23

In reply to Is anyone scared/terrified of their Ts?, posted by pinkeye on May 23, 2005, at 18:52:06

hi pinkeye,
it sounds like there is still a big power imbalance in the relationship if you told him honestly how you feel, and yet you're afraid of his reaction. Does that mean you don't quite trust him, or that his reactions to your revelations have been less than professional & caring in the past? In any case, you should be proud of yourself for reaching out and communicating things that are difficult. to me, that seems like such a big thing!

Since you are a person who finds this very important, you'll probably only get closure once you DO hear from him, whether it's good or bad. Once you get a response from him, you can determine how to feel, I think. And if his response is positive or neutral, hopefully that will help you separate your feelings about him from your feelings about your father.

It's easy to tell you that you "should" feel a certain way, but I know it's soooo much harder to actually "feel" the way you want to! But I think you're worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for. Even if he were to be mad or angry at you, that would not mean that you deserve such treatment. Sometimes T's are wrong or make mistakes. You don't deserve to be treated badly. Maybe you are having transference, a sort of cultural transference for your T? I mean, you mentioned before that both your father & husband are demanding and have certain expectations, and get mad if those expectations are not met. You could definitely be projecting that onto your T too, esp. if he is familiar with the same culture.

Please let us know when you hear from him.

take care!
JenStar


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poster:JenStar thread:501789
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/501896.html