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Re: Wondering if my Ex T understood me » pinkeye

Posted by Tamar on May 23, 2005, at 15:24:17

In reply to Re: Wondering if my Ex T understood me » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 23, 2005, at 12:53:08

> Thanks Tamar for the validation. When we become depressed, we do horrible things which we are not even fully aware of.
> I guess then it was ok.

> As to my email - I hope he responds.. But I don't want to hope. I started crying after that.. I was so ashamed of myself for writing again when he clearly is not encouraging it. I started having nightmares yesterday again imagining all possible worst scenarios.. what if he snubs me or completely ignores me.

Unfortunately, if he hasn’t replied to your other emails, he might not reply to this one. But even if he doesn’t reply, at least you know that he appreciates how much progress you’ve made.

> I am trying to just leave it and not focus on it too much. But I was hurting very much and couldn't go on at all.. that is why I ended up writing. But now I feel more bad that I wrote.

I felt something similar after I sent my ex-T a thank you note. Before I sent it I thought I’d feel better. But then I realised I wanted him to reply, and I felt worse, because I knew he wouldn’t. So I decided to think of it as something I was giving to him unconditionally (which, after all, is the purpose of a thank you note!). And even though he didn’t reply, I knew for sure he would be pleased to hear from me. I guess it’s about having the confidence to know that your T cared about your mental health and would be pleased to know you’ve made progress.

> This thing never ends.

It feels that way, doesn’t it? I don’t know when it will feel more sweet than bitter, but I have to hope that time will heal it a little bit. I hope that time will help you too.




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