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Re: One reason I wanted to post this Dinah

Posted by Tamar on May 23, 2005, at 14:48:15

In reply to Re: One reason I wanted to post this Tamar, posted by Dinah on May 23, 2005, at 10:14:23

> Tamar, you are never off the mark. I hate to sound like a groupie or anything, but I really wish you were coming to the party. :) I'd love to get to know you better; you have such a fascinating combination of wisdom, practical sense, and sensitivity. My therapist really loves your posts.

I was your groupie first! I really wish I could come to Chicago. But I cant afford it (in terms of money or time) at the moment. Id very much like to meet you too. Maybe one day

> Thank you for understanding, Tamar. It would take years and years and years and years, and he's not my type. Besides by then he'd be really really old. Too old for a brand new woman. :)

Good point. These emotional age differences never work out!

> I think it'd be possible, but I wouldn't be able to shake the fear. Fortunately, I've never been aware of that happening, despite the subject matter. I don't think the subject matter can get any more arousing. So I think I can rely on him either being a eunuch or being able to pass as one in therapy. :)

Passing as a eunuch is even better than the real thing. Apparently back in the days of castrati singers, eunuchs were much desired. They could keep going for hours, and no fear of pregnancy, or so Ive heard. Obviously you dont want that!

> No, never. I hate the body I'm imprisoned in. I don't feel any feelings of ownership about it. It seems like the young pictures of me look like me, aging appropriately. Then wham. They don't look like me, older. They just don't look like me. I feel no sense of connection at all to the body I'm in today or pictures from fifteen or so on. I suddenly quit looking like Daddy and started looking like Mother. Probably the same time I stopped calling her Mama and started calling her Mother. Hmmmm...

Interesting. Were you aware of that change at the time? Do you think your father noticed it? Or your mother? If it was as dramatic as you suggest, it might have made quite a difference to the family dynamics. Its hard enough going through puberty without changing your external identity!

> Ooh, I love that bit about the babies. So far I haven't exactly welcomed the sensations. Just noted them. But I do love that idea.

Yeah, I like it too. In my case its all a bit frighteningly Freudian, but Ive been trying to learn to accept even the scary feelings as normal and try to embrace them. The safety helped a lot.




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