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Re: A dependency on your T

Posted by Shortelise on February 11, 2005, at 15:13:31

In reply to Re: A dependency on your T Shortelise, posted by mair on February 10, 2005, at 21:18:49

I think it happened naturally to a certain extent, but that he encourages the "real relationship" instead of encouraging transference as he used to. He is less nurturing, less ... sympathetic, but not in a rejecting way. Sometimes I miss the safety of his mothering, but I know I have to mother myself.

Isn't it essential to talk about those hurts? Like you say, it was never done in your family, it was always internalized, and that doesn't seem to be working for you any more. So here you have a safe place where with a little courage (it must have been dangerous to try to deal with all those hidden undercurrents in your family) you can learn to deal with all that stuff in a respectful, mature manner.

Imagine that! Imagine not having to hold it all in, to hide it, disguise it, and hate yourself because of it! Oh, bliss!

I found dealing with things like this to be a bit like diffusing a bomb. I'd talk about something that I was sure would blow me into pieces, that I was sure I couldn't survive, and I did survive, and there was no blood lost. Only lots of emotion, and I survived that ok.

Hugs, big, fat hugs.





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