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Re: A dependency on your T Shortelise

Posted by mair on February 10, 2005, at 21:18:49

In reply to Re: A dependency on your T mair, posted by Shortelise on February 8, 2005, at 0:33:58

was the decision to stop the transference stuff a joint one, or one he discussed first? If not, what did you notice was different so that you could define what you have now as a real relationship?

I think my T was trying to define a safe attachment for me today. She said something earlier this week that really stung me - I didn't realize it until after I'd left her office, but it made me feel that I had exposed myself too much. That of course sent me in the direction of thinking that I didn't particularly want to be attached to her if it meant feeling pain. Once I managed to let her know what had happened, she tried to let me see that hurts could be processed and worked out as long as I let her know about them.

In my family, disputes never really got resolved. People just felt hurt and didn't really dare express that, so hurt just got internalized. My mother was so unassertive around my father and he could be so domineering. She never really stood up to him, and certainly as far as I can remember, never expressed her needs or at least never told her how she needed him to be. So decades later when she just walked out on him, it totally blindsided him, and he never really got over it.

(sorry, I'm not sure that little digression was relevant to anything you said), but it is horrifying to me how much I can be like her.






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