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Re: Forget How Bad Depressed Feels. Remember Now. :( Miss Honeychurch

Posted by 10derHeart on February 10, 2005, at 18:28:39

In reply to Re: Forget How Bad Depressed Feels. Remember Now. :(, posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 9, 2005, at 8:36:31

Miss Honey,

Thanks so much for both your posts. They meant a lot. I always like reading yours and I learn so much when you share things about your own struggles.

T. and I had a pretty good talk about the letter. He ended up apologizing to me. We figured out he did make a bit of an assumption that former T. (who is a pdoc) diagnosed me with major depression last year. He said it certainly seemed reasonable that a psychiatrist would come to that conclusion, perhaps even quicker than he would (he's a PhD.) But, as he flipped back in his notes, he did realize I'd never said that. It was a good experience to observe how he humbled himself after making a bit of an error. It was not a huge deal, because I agree with the diagnosis completely.

He floated a very thought-provoking idea to me, being careful to say he's not saying it's true, but just wondering when it popped into his head. He suggested maybe seeing that diagnosis, made by him (new/current T.), really forced me deep down to further accept the fact old T. is really gone. You know, concrete evidence someone else is deciding things or working with me, and how very real that is, and so different from the dynamic with old T.

It's very possible. This is all likely about old T. anyway, even though at first I didn't see it. I've been weaning myself off frequent emailing with old T., as we speak , and not sharing enough with new T. how awful this feels and how scary it still is to imagine ever losing all contact with him. The combination of that in the background and the insurance letter could have triggered symptoms.

I'm feeling maybe 50% better today. New T. noticed me a little brighter even as we talked- his words - maybe just hashing out possibilities and clearing up misunderstanding "discharged" some of the anxiety underneath the depression. He could be onto something there. I'm still not me, but it comes and goes, and is more manageable.

I loved all you wrote about setbacks and progress, etc. It helped me out A LOT to read your philosophy. Thank you so much. Hopefully, depression will keep fading and I can maintain the energy to post more in the future.
(((Miss Honey))) --- 10der

 

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