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all emotional over a book--new realizations

Posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 17:25:44

i have been reading "The Myth of Sanity: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness" by Martha Stout and i am so emotional. i feel like bawling. i am realizing that a lot of my childhood experiences were in fact, traumatic, and i don't know how to handle all the memories. i had just, in the past, thought that what i lived through really couldn't have been that bad, but this book explains what makes certain experiences traumatic and how early trauma can result in dissociation as a knee-jerk reaction later in life. only a month ago i lost four hours--a fugue, i believe you call it. i have no memory of what happened or what set me off. i thought that i had all the childhood cr*p figured out and under control and now this book is tearing me apart. i have no one to talk to about all this and no therapist to call or see in the near future (besides the one that wants to charge me $120 up front). so i called a T that turned me away a month a and half ago b/c her "caseload was too full" and left a message asking if her caselaod had changed and if she could possibly take me on as a client. i know i shouldn't have called her asking that, but she would have been/could be a great T who i could afford to see.





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