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Re: Fired pdoc, told T none of her business (long) » Poet

Posted by shrinking violet on February 10, 2005, at 10:00:26

In reply to Re: Fired pdoc, told T none of her business (long) shrinking violet, posted by Poet on February 9, 2005, at 20:28:10

I think I frustrate my psych too (and my medical doc, and my N, and of course my T...). I'm convinced they all roll their eyes and sigh just before my appointments. I'm also feeling pushed around by them lately, so that just makes me more angry and defensive (and tight-lipped), which doesn't help. My T said she feels useless to me....It hurts so much that I make her feel that way. :-(

Anyway, I just wanted to say I can relate to what you've said and how difficult it is. I wish I could fix it for you. My team talks about me also, and I don't always get to know details of what they say. I'm getting a bit used to it, but it's hard, especially knowing that whatever I tell one of them, the others will most likely find out in some way (phone calls, team meetings, or through my chart, etc). My T has even told me she's discussed me and my case with colleagues at the center and those who are personal friends with her (once when she was out to dinner with one of them). She's even paid for consultations, although I'm not sure she gained anything from them. It seems like my T "enjoys" (or feels compelled) to discuss me with others almost as much as I talk about her. I think she needs some sort of validation....But that's opening up a whole other discussion. :-)

I'm sorry you're having a harder time right now. I remember a while back you were having an easier time talking to your T....What changed?

And you aren't a therapy failure, Poet. If you are, then I am too. Not everyone can sit down and talkabout themselves. I don't know about you, but it helps knowing that there are others like me out there, that I'm not the only person in the universe who can't talk and share things about herself. And it isn't just us....It's our experiences, etc, that have made us who we are, including being afraid to give too much of ourselves to someone else. I guess we can't be blamed for feeling like we need to protect ourselves, can we? Try to be gentle on yourself, ok?

Email me if you'd like, I'd love to hear from you.

Best,
SV

> Hi SV,
>
> You didn't offend and aren't off the mark, either. I think that I frustrate pdoc like I frustrate my T, by not talking.
>
> I think my T would honestly tell me what pdoc asked and what she said. She offered to talk to him from the beginning, it's me who wants to keep them far apart.
>
> I feel like a therapy failure to begin with and the idea of them talking behind my back just intensifies that feeling. I know it really wouldn't be behind my back as T would be truthful, but to me it's like revealing my secrets to someone that I don't want them revealed to. Silly, I know, he's a pdoc, but that's the high caliber of therapy failure I am.
>
> I'll try to talk to T tomorrow about what's really behind my firing pdoc. I did tell her a few weeks ago that I wanted to taper off meds and she looked worried, but didn't say anything other than to ask when I next saw pdoc.
>
> Thanks for your help. I may email you before the week is up.
>
> Poet


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