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Re: An Update daisym

Posted by antigua on February 9, 2005, at 9:52:06

In reply to An Update, posted by daisym on February 8, 2005, at 22:55:17

Daisy, you know how much I care about you and what I think of all your efforts to help everyone else as you are struggling, so if you don't like what I have to say, please ignore it and accept that I'm not saying anythng to hurt you.

I've been thinking about this for a long time, so here goes.

You are in the midst of very painful memories about what happened when you were little daisy. They seem to be pouring out in a very urgent way and you can't seem to "control" them. At the end of the memories, you will have to deal (or maybe already are dealing with) the abandonment of your father after the abuse. He went away and you didn't see him very much if I recall correctly.

Abandonment is a big issue. But it has gotten even more complicated with you. Here, right now, you are faced with abandonment by your husband, no matter how you feel about him. I would venture to guess that you have some similarities in abandonment issues between your father and husband. You feel guilty about your husband, but he's dying and needs you in many ways (even just the caretaking issues, not the emotional ones perhaps right now). I see you headed for one big train wreck of feelings. I don't say that in a bad way, at all, I just see it as inevitable, unless of course your husband gets miraculously better and you don't have to deal w/the abandonment, but with the marriage itself.

doesn't little Daisy have a lot of guilt, too? Doesn't she think she was responsible in some ways? As an adult, you know you are aren't responsible for your husband's illness, but I bet it taps into your earlier feelings.

The ideal would be working through all the father issues before your husband dies. Therapy is to help us deal w/similar situations in our lives, based on past feelings/emotions we have for what happened to us. You're not getting that with your relationship w/your husband because he is very sick NOW.

So please don't give up therapy. I wish you the strength to cope w/both issues now but from my perspective they are so very interrelated.

And little daisy doesnt have to be superwoman. You need your therapist and let him help soothe you so you can deal with the harsh realities of what you're facing with your boys and husband IRL.
love,
antigua


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