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Talking to your dad sunny10

Posted by littleone on February 8, 2005, at 20:45:36

In reply to Re: littleone daisym, posted by sunny10 on February 8, 2005, at 11:15:25

Sorry to hear about your dad. I have no idea what you should do. That can only come from you. But I did think of some things you should think about.

The decision to confront or not needs to be thought out carefully in regards to how you would feel about it, what you hope to gain, what sort of reactions (or lack of reactions) might occur, how you would feel about each of those reactions, if you are hoping for a certain outcome, how you would handle it if that outcome didn't occur, etc...

I realise that it seems that time is against you. Plus there's probably added factors here, eg medication affecting him, his reaction being more based on the fact of his near death rather than on what you are saying, etc.

But it's possible that without considering what each reaction would mean to you, you could be faced with a reaction from him that has a terrible effect on you and hinders your progress. I've read that it is still possible to "confront" even after the parent has passed away, eg by writing letters, etc. Obviously you won't get an apology/whatever from the person, but you may not get that while they're alive anyway.

I don't think I'll say this very well, but I think you need to make sure you're doing it in a way that it is the act of telling that is healing, and that your healing isn't dependant on something from the other person, eg an apology.

Hope that made sense.

 

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