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Re: A dependency on your T mair

Posted by Shortelise on February 8, 2005, at 0:33:58

In reply to A dependency on your T, posted by mair on February 7, 2005, at 16:06:55

Dependence, huh?

I don't know if I'm dependent on him or not.

There was a time when I felt as though he was my lifeline, a tether holding me to the earth without which I'd have floated away.

Now he feels more like an ally, someone who is o my side, and advocat for the person I am striving to be.

He seemed to make a decision sometime last year to stop with the transference stuff, and to enter into our "real" relationship with me.

I have never wanted to love him, have never let myself expand my definition of what I feel for him to love, but kept it at attachment, a word I can live with. If I were to love him, leaving him would be untenable pain. Attached, it will hopefully be tenable pain.

Like many of us here, I have an "attachment disorder" - in fact, a lot of that has to do with how my mother "mirrored" when I as I was growing. So that I would strive not to get attached to someone who is not mine to keep, well, small wonder, eh?

WhenI finally gotto a point in therapy that I trusted that my T would be kind to me, would not betray my trust, and would not leave me, then I could settle into the wonderful feeling of being safely attached and things got MUCH easier.

Forgive me if Ihave just contradicted myself, I think I may have, but, well, I'm full of contradiction, being human, yknow.





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