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Re: A dependency on your T mair

Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 20:11:49

In reply to A dependency on your T, posted by mair on February 7, 2005, at 16:06:55

This is a really tough subject for us. And while we tend to talk about it a lot, I'm not sure it's in terms that would be globally helpful.

You know my therapist has a problem with dependent women? And that I have immense problems with trust, that even now interfere with our relationship from time to time.

I can't imagine anyone more dependent on their therapist than I am. Not for day to day stuff. I don't live from appointment to appointment. The time when he occupied much of my waking thoughts is long since past. But the idea of him not being in my life anymore is too scary to contemplate.

His attitude (now) is that it is a very good thing that I am attached to him. He tends to skate over the dependent, especially since it's only a termination sort of dependent. He sees the attachment is a very good thing. He sees me as someone who in general has trouble attaching to anyone with less than four legs. And he thinks that the few attachments I have are positive things. He's ok with being the strongest leg on my support stool, though he encourages me to add legs and strengthen them.

Since he chooses to see it as attachment and not dependence, I imagine that influences his idea of whether it's a good thing or not.

What exactly are you afraid of, dependence wise? Are you afraid of needing her, not a generic therapist? Is it a fear of becoming dependent and then losing her? Or is it a fear of becoming dependent, losing your individuality, and spending far too much of your time and energy thinking of her? If it's the latter, I think it's like romantic love. The intensity passes and you're left with something less exciting, but equally satisfying.

Isn't it natural to grow attached to someone you've known for so long? And in such a quasi-intimate session? And as I'm fond of saying to my therapist, and he's fond of saying back to me, therapists aren't like washing machines. You can't easily move to the next one if this becomes unavailable. It's a personal relationship to a certain extent, and attachment to the person filling the role is natural and even healthy.




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