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Re: i suck at therapy

Posted by mair on February 7, 2005, at 16:36:39

In reply to i suck at therapy, posted by bent on February 7, 2005, at 16:08:54

I can't even begin to count the numbers of times I've told my T that I suck at therapy.

Not to engage in one upsmanship, but here's one that beats yours (imo) Several years ago I discovered, very much by accident, that my T's husband had just published a memoir about his own struggles with depression. I bought it and read it. It was intensely personal and had a lot of detail about what his illness did to his marriage. It totally blew me away. It was very strange to have that window into my T's life and it was particularly unsettliing because it made me realize that there were similarities between her situation and mine. We were pretty involved then in talking about my marriage; I couldn't imagine how my T could listen to me without thinking about those similarities. It sort of made me think she was a hypocrite. I thought from the start that I probably needed to tell her I read the book even though she certainly had never told me that the book existed. An ex-poster here was great about encouraging me to take the plunge, but I discovered that I'd do anything to avoid having to raise this issue, and during some sessions I deluded myself into thinking that maybe I'd never have to mention it. Unfortunately, that I had read the book started to get in the way of therapy; she'd be sitting there talking about my marriage and I'd be sitting there thinking about hers. I had a difficult time concentrating on what she was saying because anecdotes from the book kept flashing through my mind. What I did, and what I've done a few times since then is drop a comment about it, literally as I was on my way out the door. Something like "btw, next time remind me to talk about your H's book." Somehow I could get that much out and yet it sort of shifted the onus on her to raise it at the next session. It was still difficult to discuss, but somehow not so bad when I didn't have to be the one who really introduced the issue.

Sometimes there are ways around our own cowardice.

Good Luck





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