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Re: My dad (csa trigger) daisym

Posted by littleone on February 3, 2005, at 21:26:07

In reply to Re: My dad littleone, posted by daisym on February 2, 2005, at 1:29:37

> I think you have more than two choices. You just can't see them yet.

I'm sure you must be right. Often I'll take a problem to my T with my two solutions and he'll suggest a few more possible choices. And I'll think, wow, he's clever. Then I'll have another problem and will be certain there's only two answers to it and sure enough, he'll find some more. And for each problem, I'll think "but this one's different, there ARE only two choices".

> For me, I've split my dad into two people. Who he was before I was 15 and who he is now.

I must admit that I'm often confused as to how you are so sure that your own kids are safe with him. Like maybe something happened in his life to change him. I guess I always think that if he realised what he did was bad and felt remorse, then he would have apologised to you. But it sounds like that hasn't happened. I'm sorry, it just confuses me. You don't have to reply to that bit.

I'm really glad you can find good things in your dad. Do you enjoy spending time with him or is it something you tolerate for the sake of your kids?

> I also don't know (yet) what role I played in allowing everything to happen, how needy was I that this got played out over and over again?

Aw daisy, I think it's important to understand this so that you can ensure it doesn't play out in future relationships. But I hope you understand that you were an innocent victim. Even if someone dances naked in front of their dad, it is up to the dad to not act on that. To simply ask the kid to put their clothes back on and then try and understand what is causing the kid to act out in this way.

As a kid you have needs, and your dad is there to fill those needs IN A HEALTHY & APPROPRIATE MANNER. He was filling *his* needs, not yours. Your needs were for love, not sex.

Sorry to hammer this at you. Especially if you're a bit unstable at the moment. I just think it's a really important point to understand. And believe.

 

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