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the worst feeling.......just need to get it out

Posted by rainbowbrite on February 3, 2005, at 13:28:16

I just thought Id drop in before I head out for the day and share... and ...well this is purely for me to just express, no response necessary.
The worst feeling is the feeling of rejection! I never really new that till now. when you open your heart to someone....and they accept it at first, but then don't seem to any longer. Recently aFter being asked a very direct question, I opened up to a friend about soemthing... and has never been the same since. You know its tough, Its a no win situation, I like my strength and I admire it in others, but we all have our weaknesses and I no longer feel I can open up and show vulnerability IRL, but will I ever be strong in her eyes again. Its as though I destroyed what she has always percieved me as with the release of some emotions. I let out a weakness and now feel judged for it. It is certainly painful as I struggle with why I allowed it to happen, in just a split second! So stupid, I feel like it is irrepairable (is that even a word). I am different in her eyes now and I hate that! I want my steel cage back but I also wish I didn't need to live with such a phoney facade, (sigh). Well thats enough, Im just hurt and feeling rejected.
thanks for letting me share.




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poster:rainbowbrite thread:452473