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Failing

Posted by Daisym on January 21, 2005, at 20:46:46

In reply to Re: At the risk of weirding people out again mair, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 18:12:17

My biggest fear is a huge public failure. I NEVER FAIL. I'm not being egotistical. I don't do things I can't do well. (OK, so maybe I "fail" at risk taking.) I know my skills and I know what I can fake. The reason I'm not divorced is because I DON'T FAIL. I truly do not know how. I sometimes think that is why I push myself so hard in therapy because, gosh, darn it, I'm not failing at this!! So I totally understand what you mean when you say you don't see how you can face it.

Maybe you have to first look at your willingness to accept failure in others. If your son failed a class, would you love him less? Would he be a failure at EVERYTHING if he failed this one class? I can see you shaking your head no. Of course not. You would love him anyway. Who he is is not about what he can accomplish.

Somehow, this needs to be accepted as a truth for you (and me) too. If you fail...get fired...it doesn't change the person you are, the mom you are, the wife you are, the friend you are. It changes who you might think you are, but that isn't always a bad thing. Economically there is an impact, of course, I'm not completely a Pollyanna.

I can tell you from experience. My husband's brother committed suicide 20 years ago, just before his 30th birthday. He could find a way to be "successful" in his chosen career of law. I can tell you that his family would love to have the chance to tell him what he was worth to them, not as a lawyer, but as a brother, cousin and son.

I say this, with a big dark shadow that comes over me when I think about failing at my career. It would be so public...shudder. But, but...

THIS is what your therapist can help you face. That you are more than what you do and you would survive. This would be very hard work. But together you can do it.

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Daisym thread:444959
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050117/msgs/445454.html