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Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? Fallen4MyT

Posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 17:10:47

In reply to Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? Pfinstegg, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 14:43:03

I do think it was wrong of him not to refer you on to another therapist at the point where he realised he was no longer considering his response to you to be counter transference. He could have told you that he was referring you on because he believed that he loved you. He could have given you his number or whatever and told you to contact him in two years if you wanted to. That would have given you both two years to really have a think about it. It would have given you the opportunity to talk to another confidant about the situation. Because as soon as he had told you that he really cannot be your therapist any more. Not because he 'isn't allowed' or anything like that - but because he is acting on HIS feelings and desires at that point. Not solely for your welfare. That IMO is the reason behind that rule.

It seems to me that the APA is being very generous in allowing relationships after two years. It is their concession that maybe transference and counter-transference can develop into a proper relationship. That after time apart a relationship could develop on equal grounds. But why couldn't you both have waited? I would think that if you really love him you would not let him risk his career for you like that. Not when you guys could just wait. I would think that if he really loved you he would want you to be able to take some time on this and really be sure. He would want you to see another therapist to help you with all the stuff you went into therapy for. It is very suspicious to me that there is such urgency and hurry. It may seem flattering but it is not the material that lasting happy relationships are based on.

And this isn't just about you. So many others find themself in this or similar situations.

So while I am happy for your feelings, I really cannot condone what you guys are doing.

I don't understand why you guys can't wait the two years - if you really love each other.

 

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