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Decisions, decisions....(re:T)

Posted by B2Chica on January 21, 2005, at 12:01:34

ok, maybe just writing this out may help me with my decision.
but remember the guy i found in december/jan that i clicked with GREAT and i REALLY wanted to see him for T. he wanted to take me on but had to stop practice due to personal reasons.
Well, i then decided i just couldn't wait for a couple months and chose to start looking at female therapists (big step for me) i naturally feel more comfortable with male.
Anyway, my pdoc (whom i trust dearly) recommended just trying out someone in his office- she just started with them. she has an LMHP and CMSW was working in hospital and now in private practice. I met with her wed for an hour, initial stuff-but i noticed that i mentioned things to her (issues with my mother -just in general no specifics) and openly talked about my SI issues. I hadn't done this before with any T. i don't know if i did because:
1)she's who i should be with,
2)because her office is in the same building as my T i feel 'safe' there?
3)i'm just so tired of looking i'm just to the point that i layed it all out there?

Now, my question friend called the guy T's office-the one i wanted (for me-i'm not sure why i didn't do it myself) to find out when he would be coming back and the secretary said HE's BACK AND seeing px again!!
But now...well, i can't help but think i was lead in this direction (of the female) for a reason and that i should stick it out with her. i've only seen her the one time...and maybe i should just try a couple more sessions to see.
i also think that maybe i should talk with her on the level of my sexual issues, then later go to him and discuss my depressive/abstract thinking issues?? course usually i open up better with guys??
He just really understood me as a person. i guess i think he would be someone that i would make friends with on the outside...maybe that's good but not necessarily for therapy?
Ok...after writing this. I think i need to at least see the female one or two more times before i make a decision. right?? it was just weird cuz i just don't open up like that with women...but maybe it was the day or time or circumstance. Maybe now knowing other guyT is back i know i have a 'safetynet'??
but if i do see her and what if our relationship ends poorly-she's in the same office...would it be weird?


i think the stupidest thing is, i got an additional sleep additive and last two nights actually slept Great! and felt good for two whole days! last night i cleaned the whole upstairs in the house! paid bills...etc.
so now i'm feeling i can 'handle' all my 'issues' and don't even feel the NEED to see a T.
sometimes i'm just such a moron.
this is a time.

need some babble advice, any comments will do.
Thanks All!




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poster:B2Chica thread:445210