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Re: Fallen4MyT

Posted by just plain jane on January 21, 2005, at 0:49:12

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT just plain jane, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 20:55:40

> >>and bla, bla, bla
> Anyway... it was your choice of name here, where so many people have T's that they may be having transference problems or abuse problems with that triggered me.
> And, now that I've been triggered and gone off, I can sit and watch the smoke curling up, wafting about, riding the currents of the wind.
> just plain jane
> >>>
> I am kind of lost by what you mean by the above part of your post

>>I meant to simply comment, having no opinion as to it being a "good" or "bad" name... it's just a name.

>but so you are in the loop my T has filed for a divorce (I have seen the papers) and we are engaged to be married.

>>I read that in one of your posts. Congratulations! I appreciate your effort at getting me "in the loop". However, I didn't expect an explanation from you, I sincerely consider your life to be your life, your choices, as you are the only one who knows what has gone before and how you feel. You are a grown individual and I gladly defend your right as such to do as you believe is right for you. As I said, I wish you well.

>>There will be no smoke and if there is I will get out safely. I am not so fragile.

:)) Misunderstanding here. My reference to smoke was the smoke of my trigger having gone off... like when you shoot a gun, smoke from the barrel. Not thinking of you as fragile or not fragile, neither crossed my mind.

>>I have been on this site maybe 2 years give or take, My screen name is and was acceptable to Dr Bob...

I have no problem with your screen name, sorry if you assumed I do. It simply triggered a reaction in my mind and I recalled the book I had read about that NYC T, and other accounts I have read of similar abuses by therapists.

The majority of my post was not directed to you other than the reflection of one person's *first* reaction to the name. In this following quote from my post:

"Sadly, in your case, you are both married and will have to finish the destruction of those marriages to construct the one you are planning. A most unpleasant situation to be in. However, I don't believe that the destruction was wrought, in either case, by your relationship. Marriages that destruct generally have faulty foundations or no supportive structure."

I was not indicating sadness about you and your situation pesonally. I was using the mechanics of your situation to illustrate that when two marriages come apart so that one partner from each can join, the initial two marriages must be completely disassembled (destruction, as literally the opposite of construction, in mechanical terms). It is a sad and difficult situation in general, I have been there, too. Further, I said that I do not think the disassembly (destruction) of either of your marriages was as a result of you two getting together, but as a result of your two initial marriages being unsatisfactory and commented that generally marriages that come apart, come apart due to problems within, not causes from outside the marriage.

>I guess anything can trigger anybody even your name....

Yep, I'd have to agree with you on that, anything can trigger anybody, and the concept of triggering can be different from one person to the next. For me a trigger is the stimuli which causes a reaction. Nothing more, not positive or negative, just a reaction.

>just plain seens so sad, to me.

not surprising, just plain does kinda sound like it could be a sad thing.

From my post: "Now that I know a bit of your story, I can say I understand how you feel, both about your love, and about being criticized, or at least feeling that way, for it."

Means I don't see any problem, I understand and empathize with your love in your situation and in the discomfort of being criticized or feeling criticized, both.

I have no "judgement" feelings about what others do in their personal lives, unless it is obviously abusive and should be stopped for the safety of the victim. Yours is not such a case. Therefore, I have no concern.

I truly wish you well. Marriage can be heaven, or heII or anything in between. I hope your upcoming one is incredibly better than either of your or his previous marriage.

I am hyperanalitical. It has driven me nuts. Thanks for reading this and thank you for you good wishes.

oh, yeah, the "plain jane" part of my name is a nickname I have had since high school, it is a good thing, not a sad one, for me, and the "just" is used for effect.

I'm sorry if it gave you cause for even a glimmer of sadness. None of us needs any added to that we've already had.

"and bla bla bla" is my way of saying, mainly to myself "ok, ok, that's enough"

a compulsion.


just plain hoping it's clearer now and I didn't just make it muddier, jane




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