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Re: i don't want a new T mair

Posted by shrinking violet on January 20, 2005, at 19:06:27

In reply to Re: i don't want a new T shrinking violet, posted by mair on January 20, 2005, at 18:08:26

Hi Mair, thanks for your response.

>> I want to say more, but for now I just have a question: What would you be feeling about therapy if you weren't coming off this long break and if you didn't have to lose your T in a few months?

--Good question. I've been asking myself the same thing. If this is just a "hump" then it's been quite a long one and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. I don't feel like my T and I do much actual therapy, either. True, maybe I don't allow that to happen, either. I don't know, I feel like I wasn't this suicidal/depressed/ED before I started. And I know T is supposed to make things worse, but I don't feel like I'm working through anything. It feels more like crawling through broken glass (and I think I swallowed some along the way). I just need a break, at least, I think. I know I probably need some form of therapy, but if nothing else the program showed me that figuring out how to eat regularly and take my meds and have some social contacts can make me feel a lot better a lot quicker than almost over a year of therapy could.

>> How much of this really is being angry, not necessarily at your T, but even just being angry about your situation and thinking that if you can't have T with her, you just don't want therapy?

--Again, I'm trying to figure this out because I don't want to just react to the situation if I don't have any valid reasons. I'm not totally sure, but I really do think that I could and would see another T if I really wanted to continue this sort of work for myself. I am sad over losing my T, but again it's more about never seeing her again as a person and not so much losing someone who I meet once a week to process stuff with. So I think I can separate the two. I'm not totally sure, though, to be honest. I can't figure myself out sometimes (heck, most times!).





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