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Re: she canceled. mair

Posted by lonelygal2 on January 19, 2005, at 22:29:41

In reply to Re: she canceled. lonelygal2, posted by mair on January 19, 2005, at 22:06:35

thanks mair. i guess part of me thinks that you are right that it's true i can't really conclude anythign about her impression of me b/c i don't really know her yet, but i guess i just feel so guilty for needing anything or bothering her that i think i should be hated for it.
and i think you are right about trying to stick it out with her, i am too exhausted to look elsewhere. as far as rescheduling, she said monday (instead of wed) after my first message, but then later said this friday if i called back and she got it today. but i was so confused that i didn't call back til later so i dunno, i ended up saying please either friday or monday, b/c wed seems so far away. in an earlier message, she had said she wouldn't be checking her messages for the rest of the week after today (and i called late today), so really i have no clue when she will get it, but whatever, there is nothing i can do now. it's all too confusing. she's a grad student and i'm sure she's busy. and well, i think i'm annoying.
and i feel like there is nothing more i can do, and if it just doens't work out wiht her, it just doesn't work out. gosh, i miss my old therapist. this is too hard.

> " i read your thread below about borderline, and i feel like she must be thinking i'm borderline by the way that i'm acting. i'm sure she thinks i'm being manipulative. "
> God, I just feel so bad for you but please don't jump to conclusions based on what you read on this Board. I don't know anything about your dx, but it sounds like you're making all kinds of assumptions about what this T must be thinking about you, as if she could figure all this out just from your phone message. My T has reminded me a couple of times that asking for what you need is not being manipulative. I see nothing here but that you are in considerable pain and need to get some help. Having this new T cancel the appointment is a huge and unfortunate step backwards, but it doesn't have to mean that you're fated not to get help or that you have bad karma or anything eise. How far off were the times she gave you for rescheduling?
> I didn't read your post to say that the T's message was "I can't see you quickly enough so you better find another T." If she didn't want to be involved in helping you, that is the message you would have gotten.
> I'm not suggesting you close yourself off from seeking the help you need as quickly as you can get it. It just sounds to me like you're pretty depleted and if you don't have to wait long to see this T, and if you think you can wait that long, it might put less of a strain on you to try to reschedule than to start all over again.
> Maybe this is not you at all, but when I'm really depressed, I feel like i have a kind of mental paralysis and making any kind of a decision is way more difficult than it might be otherwise. Giving up or at least doing nothing is the easy thing, and telling yourself that doing nothing doesn't matter maybe because what you could do won't help anyway is pretty typical behavior for someone in alot of pain. When I realized some years ago that I needed help, it took me forever to come to that conclusion, and then days of genuine consternating to decide whom I should call and then more days to actually pick up the phone and call.
> Thinking of you - alot
> Mair




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