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Re: I'm hopeless...NOT! gardenergirl

Posted by daisym on January 19, 2005, at 0:12:48

In reply to Re: I'm hopeless...NOT! daisym, posted by gardenergirl on January 18, 2005, at 18:29:19

OH GG --- I think I just can't do this anymore. I get so twisted up in my feelings about the right amount of contact, the right amount to share and how intense my feelings are. I elected to not go today but we talked on the phone this evening. He said he can see why I'm describing it as an addiction -- such powerful feelings about something that makes me feel good that I think I'm not supposed to have. He wanted to explore what I'm afraid of. I said I'm not afraid of this, it just feels wrong, like I'm not supposed to have it, or want it. He pointed out that on Monday I told him that I knew when he terminated me I was going to be terribly hurt. So he isn't convinced that I'm not afraid of something. He's letting me struggle with this but he tells me that he doesn't want me to struggle alone. He also said he thinks this is totally part of the regression. These are old attachment needs that have been reawakened by the work we are doing. I'm a classic case of insecure attachment.

He tells me I can come and just sit. Or talk about whatever. I push me, he doesn't. I feel like I'm wasting his time if i don't. We've talked about the fact that I seem to accept my attachment more easily when I'm really sad or really overwhelmed. It is when I'm half-strong that I find myself questioning the intensity of my feelings and what it means to want so much contact. I can't even answer the question of "what I want from him."

Isn't this pathological in and of itself? I disintegrated into tears but I'm not sure why. How does one either develop security within the attachment or lessen the intensity of the need?




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